I wish I could wave my magic wand and get instant results.
Yup. I said it!
I am impatient. I want the results of this journey immediately. Yes I know I have been travelling the opposite way for a long time. Yes I know that means I have a lot of road to make up.
But I need you to know that I have been travelling the other direction thinking that my destination was long term health. I was so fooled.
I tried every diet you can imagine. You know what that cost me? My body has more fat cells than I have been willing to realize. I put my metabolism to sleep. I have also not been able to verbalize my fear of what the damage has done to my heart and other critical organs. I struggle to hear my own voice. You know the voice that clearly communicates what you really want in life, what you enjoy (not what you want others to think you enjoy so that they will think you are cool), what your dreams are…
This week my goal is to identify my priorities. What am I doing that I want to do and what am I doing that I feel I should do to please the people around me. Ultimately the only thing that I have to do in life, eventually, hopefully a long long way off, is die. Until then what am I giving my life away to? My main priority is to bring my body back to life and health. I am choosing to feed my body what it needs and not all the stuff my tastebuds want. How am I lining the other areas up behind this goal?
I started to play baseball in grade school. I played until I moved to Kitchener-Waterloo almost 12 years ago. I have not had time or the opportunity to play baseball. Last year an opportunity to play arose, but I could not imagine playing in the state of disrepair my body was in. This year I have committed to play. 1. I am terrified of making a fool of myself. 2. I am slightly concerned that I may injure myself. 3. I wonder if I will even fit in the uniform. Eek! The point I am trying to make…baseball is something I want to do, not something I feel obligated to do under the pressure of someone else. In the next several weeks I am going to be saying ‘no’ a lot!
Wish me luck.